Yesterday I was looking through some old digital art of mine and I saw what feels like the peak version of the artist in me. I was drawing everyday, using my wacom tablet, gesture drawing, practicing in class sessions(via a site called line-of-action.com), practicing rendering with greyscale only as opposed to colour. I also saw the downfall of that peak version of me. As I continued to browse my art, I saw that I started to draw with colour, I started to go all out with characters I loved. And then everything stopped abruptly.

This was around the end of last year. I had completely lost my motivation to draw. I went from drawing every day to not drawing for weeks. It got to the point where I started to question how much drawing meant to me. Until it eventulally came back. The itch to draw. It was a revelation to me. That drawig truly was and is my passion. Because when you truly care about something, it never really escapes you. Not really. It always comes back. This time thought, I promised myself that I would never let myself get burnt out like I did before. I pushed myself too hard, and ever since I haven't been a very disciplined artist. I had fun drawing now and then, but just for the sake of fun. I told myself that I would just draw for fun and not push myself anymore. But even then I was wrong.

What I need is balance. I'm going to start back my 'draw everyday' rule (starting yesterday). I started back important things I've been neglecting like gesture drawing, figure studies and class sessions. Because as much as I draw for fun, I draw with improvement in mind. I just hope that I can strike that balance of fun and discipline. I can't push myself too far and risk an unintended and overly long break. But I can't be too laid back and forget how important consistency. I need to - and will - continue to draw every day.